This was what I wrote and thought about early on upon finding out I had BRAIN CANCER. I picked up a pen and the words became my heart. Every word written with tear drops hitting the paper. I coped. Many people with cancer feel completely alone in a crowded room. I suggest picking up a pen.
“And slowly she drifted into darkness, each piece cracking and ripping away, until there was nothing left. Alone. Always alone. They never realized how broken she was. Her smile was a mask. The mask she had worn for so long to hide, the poison living inside her. The sorrow. The anger. The silence. Her insides screamed a deafening tone. But no sound was ever made. The poison. It surrounded her. It suffocated her. She lost herself. She was just a body. Lifeless. Cold.
When the darkness finally took her, she did not scream. She did not cry. She did not care. She gave pieces of her soul to everyone around her but never took any for herself. If they only knew who she was on the inside. Emptiness flooded in her veins blacker than a cold starless night. When the darkness finally devoured her, she welcomed it. Her heart was bleeding. What should anyone care, they’ve never watched themselves disintegrate the way she is. Everything constantly crumbling around her as her body deceives her. What’s the point to this anymore she wonders. Her wings are clipped and she’s been stripped of what she thought she knew about life. Why must living with a big heart make her bleed infinitely inside. Unfulfilling was this pathetic existence, she called her life. But all things that disintegrate disappear eventually, right?”
Katie’s note: I think the first month with cancer was my hardest time. I had some dark feelings. I always pictured myself stepping in front of a speeding car just to make it go away. Many people do not know that about me. I was good at hiding how I was feeling. It overcame me. It became me and breaking that shell was the hardest thing for me. I just laid in bed and cried all day long for months. Cancer had taken me to a “Dark Place”.